My Story

I suppose there's not a whole lot to it. I guess I realised around 14 or 15 that it wasn't normal to still be attracted to 8 yr olds. I was never a self hater, but I realised quickly that I had to keep it quiet. I accepted what I was pretty quickly. I also at that time liked girls who were a little older than me, I went up to round 18 - 20 in terms of interest. Though certainly my primary attraction was towards children, they were far more interesting that young adults. As I got older (I'm not a lot older now, I'm hesitant to say how old. I've learnt to be pretty paranoid about what people might suspect, and who might see and what they might think) it started to fade, so by the time I was around 18 I was pretty much exclusive to those under the age of consent, again with by far my biggest interest going to pre-pubescent children. As it stands now I'm not really interested in girls over the age of 14. I pretty much accepted it straight away. The thing that has been hard and frustrating is never being able to come out and talk about it. However, I have never viewed that as my fault in some way, I've seen it as a problem with society. I have never done anything wrong, so why should I feel guilty?

Since I've been on the internet I've been able to tell some people about it (the first time I typed "I am a paedophile" gave me a hell of a rush of adrenaline) I'd really like to come out properly. I hope one day I'll be able to in real life, but I won't hold my breath. I think it's why I started this blog, to get it out there, even if only a few people read it. If I change the opinion of just a few people from "All paedophiles are rapists and must die" to "hey, y'know what, it's creepy but they're not so bad and it must be hard to be like that", or if I can offer any support to someone who is in the same situation I was a few years ago (that is, who feels alone and isolated, is finding it hard to cope with keeping it all inside and who feels that the whole world is against them, or indeed any other paedos who would find this blog comforting), it will have been worth it.